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Wife of missing husband in emotional appeal for him to stay missing
'Wherever you are, please don't get in touch' Fighting back tears of joy, Mildred Openshaw, 52, yesterday pleaded for the public to conceal any information that might lead to the safe return of her...
View Article‘Good Housekeeping’ attacks Bin Laden’s wives for messy home
Osama bin Laden’s wives are strongly criticized in this month’s ‘Good Housekeeping’ magazine for their poor home-making skills. ‘The lounge where he watched the television was a complete disgrace,’...
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Comment: Why my first four marriages are the ideal preparation for a fifth
If you’ve applied for a job and the company is weighing you up against the other candidates, what do they look for? Potential? A nice suit? A certain je ne sais quoi they’re prepared to wager the...
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Wife puts her marriage out to tender
Council administrator Rhona White has put her marriage out to tender, expressing dissatisfaction with her current service provider, and inviting bids from carefully selected parties. ‘The whole thing...
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Police launch crackdown on counterfeit orgasms
Scotland Yard has today launched its biggest operation yet to tackle the huge surge in fake orgasms and protect the quality of British people’s sex lives. ‘We now believe that at any given time, as...
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Ipswich man fears that whole news cycle is a satire
After spending many years reading satirical news articles online in between looking up real news stories online, Joseph Capgrass, 38, of Ipswich has confessed that he has lost the ability to tell the...
View ArticleKent man wins ‘Cock Drawing of the Year’
Jon Veitch, a 43-year-old QA inspector from Kent, has beaten thousands of others to win Cock Drawing of the Year. Veitch’s simple, pencilled rendition of the male genitalia on 80 gsm plain white A4...
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Woman rescued from house after 20 years of ‘being taken for granted’
Police and charity workers have liberated a 47-year-old woman from a terraced house in the suburbs of London after being alerted to claims that she had been living there for over 20 years during which...
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Marriage in crisis as husband eschews Christmas sex in favour of cash...
The 22-year union between Lionel and Marjorie Alwyn was reportedly under threat last night, as it emerged that Mr Alwyn had declined their traditional festive sexual congress and asked ‘for the money...
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Wife of missing husband in emotional appeal for him to stay missing
'Wherever you are, please don't get in touch' Fighting back tears of joy, Mildred Openshaw, 52, yesterday pleaded for the public to conceal any information that might lead to the safe return of her...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Police launch crackdown on counterfeit orgasms
Scotland Yard has today launched its biggest operation yet to tackle the huge surge in fake orgasms and protect the quality of British people’s sex lives. ‘We now believe that at any given time, as...
View ArticleWife blames Met Office as Storm Kevin rips through marital bed
A Surrey housewife has blamed the Met Office for her husband naming his ‘storms of flatulence’. Susan Richards was speaking after Storm Kevin was unleashed under the duvet this morning just before the...
View ArticleHomeless man regrets dropping wife from profile picture
A homeless man has deeply regretted changing his profile picture on Facebook. Last week, Gary Peters, 37, from York, substituted a honeymoon photo with a drunken pub selfie. The seismic incident...
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MyWife teams up with MyMatesGirlfriend to corner nagging market
MyWife plc, a leading supplier of optimised ear-bending solutions for modern women, has announced that it has established a technology alliance with MyMatesGirlfriend Ltd., another major player in this...
View ArticleShock as wife correctly diagnoses ‘funny noise’ in car
A Basingstoke woman has left her husband devastated after her car started making what she initially described as ‘a funny noise’. Debbie Simmonds was immediately asked by her husband Brian, ‘What kind...
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Wife puts her marriage out to tender
Council administrator Rhona White has put her marriage out to tender, expressing dissatisfaction with her current service provider, and inviting bids from carefully selected parties. ‘The whole thing...
View ArticleAppalling bitch niece is like arsehole son complete bastard never had
Peter Watkinson, 67, a dreadful skidmark on the toilet bowl of humanity, has spoken of his joy that his long-lost niece, Emma Skelton, has come into his life, inherited his seat on Hampshire County...
View ArticleToday’s recipe from Kitchen Nightmares: Gordon Ramsey’s Steaming Hacked Beef
This recipe is perfect for a big family group – it takes some preparation though, guys, mine has been seven years in the making. You will need: – One piece of maturing Scotch beef, ego still intact – A...
View ArticleMan still waiting for praise three days after minor act of domestic proactivity
It is 72 hours since project manager Andrew Marshall emptied the dishwasher without being asked. Hope is fading for any kind of recognition or sexual reward. Experts refer to the ‘golden hour’, after...
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Woman rescued from house after 20 years of ‘being taken for granted’
Police and charity workers have liberated a 47-year-old woman from a terraced house in the suburbs of London after being alerted to claims that she had been living there for over 20 years during which...
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